We normally get frustrated and disappointed and at some point angry at other people in our lives. This normally happens to each and every one of us. We do find others extremely rude, irritating, untrustworthy, hurting, not considerate and frustrating more often. Such a thing can become hurtful and abusive to us. But actually, to be true, the real problem is not with the other person, it simply is due to our expectations of the next person. Maybe we can say that expectation kills. Expecting too much from others can cause a lot of frustration and inner conflict in our minds. Here we need to have more compassionate with others and be less reactive.
Expectations is good up to a certain extend. Some people will expect something and will work hard to fulfill their expectations.
It’s good even if the expectation is for the good sake. If we fail to fulfill our expectations it may hurt. But the way each one reacts to the expectations changes and sometimes it may lead even to the death. We have to develop our minds to defeat these types of over expectations and their aftereffects.
Our expectations are to be blamed
We think that the real reason behind our frustration is others. We paint others as irritating, hard to understand, crazy, stubborn and hurtful. We have our own reasons for thinking so. But try considering the ideas below.
- Frustration can hurt us and not them. Even if it is their fault, the ones suffering from this is just us. Irritation, anger and frustration can hurt us a lot.
- When we blame others, we do not look into our behavior. The real problem here is us since we are the ones who think about the faults of others and stay frustrated.
- All the frustration that we suffer from is mainly due to our own unlimited expectations. We want others to behave in a manner that suits our behavior, thoughts and expectations. Frustration happens when they act and behave in a totally different way.
- The expectations are built in our minds. It is natural to have certain expectations in us. But when all these are in our minds, we get irritated. So the proper way to handle this is to let go and understand the point of view of the next person.
- We can be happy and contented when we stop expecting things from others.
- When we keep our expectations aside, we try to see the good in other people instead of how they are acting and how they are not reaching our kind of expectations.
The real harm that others cause should not be tolerated. We must be able to protect ourselves if others try to harm you. All your boundaries have to be protected. But protect yourself without hating others. Move away from the person and try to see the good in them.
In short, our expectations can create frustration and anger in us. When we expect others, it creates sufferings for us and makes sure to avoid this and have compassion for others.
Work with the expectations
Some of the methods to practice working with our expectations about other people are:
- To understand the pain. Take notice of the pain of anger, frustration, irritation and hurt that you are undergoing. You need to do nothing at all, just feel it. You need not live on the pain, but understand it and give tiny attention.
- Be compassionate to yourself. The second thing that you can give yourself is to be compassionate to yourself. You need to be compassionate to yourself in the first part and then turn towards others and be compassionate to them only after that. Such a practice will create great compassion inside you. This is something like feeling compassion towards a loved one who is very much hurt and tensed in life. Such an act will help you to solve your problem to a very large extent.
- Destroy your expectations. When you free yourself from the expectation of others, you free up your mind from frustration. This is very essential when you work with others or when you deal with or live with others.
- Be compassionate. Looking upon the negatives of others will only create pain and fear in you. This will not help you in any way. Showing some kind of compassion and concern to others will make you feel better. But all you need to do is practice this for a long time.
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