Is it important to you how others perceive you? Or are you more concerned with the actions of others? You’re not the only one who feels this way. While it might seem that people are selfish, most of us care a lot about what others think. Everyone’s thoughts and actions are influenced by those around them, as you’ll discover if you look closely enough. The following are some examples:
• Who has been to the gym for years and always thinks others have bigger muscles than him?
• It’s the girl who doesn’t want her friends and family to judge her for not pursuing a career path.
• It’s the guy who only wears shorts and T-shirts because he is afraid of what the “bros” will think.
• It’s the guy who thinks that because of his accent, people won’t take him seriously
• The girl who thinks her followers will not approve of saying something that’s controversial.
I can go on for a while. And I can’t say I’m immune to these thoughts. It’s in our nature to be concerned about what other people think. Humans all have the drive to be accepted. Belongingness is the term for that. Because of natural selection, we have Belongingness in our genes. People who didn’t feel the need to fit in with a group didn’t fare well in premodern times. That’s still the case to a certain extent today. We’re social beings by nature.
However, times have changed: we’re more mobile than ever before, and our technology is far superior. When it comes to acceptance, we don’t need the approval of everyone. In the past, it was necessary to be accepted by those in your immediate social circle. We have a lot more clout now. We don’t hang around with people who don’t accept us for who we are. Is that possible? How do you become less concerned about the actions of others?
What I’ve found to be helpful are the following:
Dissociate Yourself from Imaginary Friendships
Having a group to hang out with used to be one of my favourite things. We had a cool kids’ section in high school. That corner was ours, and no one was allowed to join us. Being a member of that clique gave you an inflated sense of self-worth and authority. It wasn’t until I got older that I realised how childish it was to be part of a clique like that. Everywhere you go, there are cliques of cool kids: At work, at home, in bars, clubs, on social media, YouTube, you name it. Basically, everywhere. Everyone wants to be a part of these fictitious communities. I think it’s pathetic to join a group just to appear to cool these days. It’s all a sign and a desperate plea for recognition. You don’t need groups when you’re an adult. You’ve got your family, a few close friends, a job, and a few pastimes. A group of people scares the wits out of me every time. That’s why I’ve avoided joining any writer or blogger organisations. However, I don’t feel the need to be part of a group because I don’t see myself as a “writer.” It’s perfectly fine to seek out others with whom to share your experiences. That’s cool, too. What matters is that you never allow yourself to be defined by your affiliation with any one group.
Be Purposeful in Everything You Do
Uncertainty is one of the primary drivers behind our preference for social gatherings. Without any set of rules for our own lives, we blindly accept any belief system that comes our way. When you join a group, you are obligated to accept the group’s views and beliefs as your own. If you already hold these views, that’s fine. However, the majority of people alter their views in order to blend in. You don’t have to blend in anymore in today’s society. As long as you know there are millions of people like you out there, what’s the point of trying to fit in? Your mission should be your driving force, not your desire to fit in. You can’t build something in an hour if you don’t have a mission. Covey, the author of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, explained it thusly:
It’s not easy to write a mission statement, but in the long run, your mission statement is your constitution, the solid expression of your vision and values. All other aspects of your life are then compared to it. That final sentence is crucial. It’s time to stop focusing on the opinions of others and start focusing on what you want to accomplish in your life.
The mission is the sum of one’s values and one’s vision.
Having a strong set of core values is something I’ve written about frequently. The eight values I live by are outlined in this article. The way I evaluate myself is by comparing myself to others. A new way of life isn’t necessary for this situation. In fact, the most successful and happy people I know are motivated by their values. When it comes to values, Starbuck’s former CEO Howard Schultz has this to say about it: For the life of me, I didn’t want to be on any list of billionaires. I don’t use my net worth to define who I am. To me, my values serve as a way of defining myself. Take the time to discover your core values if you want to be driven by your mission rather than by Belongingness. It’s not enough, mind you. In addition, you must have a clear idea of the kind of life you want to lead. For those who have a clear vision of where they want to go, they are less reliant on the opinions and actions of others. It doesn’t matter how many times a week other people go out, buy designer clothing, have Lamborghinis, talk in a certain way, have biceps the size of watermelons, or have legs that look like breadsticks; they’re just like us. As long as you’re happy with your work, don’t worry about what others think, and don’t give up on your dreams to please them, you’re fine. Your mission is something you should take seriously.
Don’t Let Yourself Be Let Down
We don’t want to disappoint anyone, and that’s a big part of feeling like we belong. This is a common stumbling block for those who are kind and considerate. I like to think of myself as a good person, but I don’t give a rat’s behind about how others feel about what I do. Not my spouse, my children, my relatives, or anyone else, for that matter. I don’t want to disappoint anyone except myself. Whenever I’m caught in the act of telling a white lie, I feel a pang of guilt and regret. When I fall short of my goals, I make amends with myself. In reality, people who are disappointed in others are selfish. It is impossible for a selfless and content person to be disappointed by another. After all, how can you be disappointed if you don’t need anything and don’t have any expectations from others? If you’re disappointed, it’s your fault, not anyone else’s. That’s how I look at it.
All You Need Is a Close Relationship with a Good Person.
Belonging to a family is the source of my ideas. In addition to my family, I have a close-knit group of pals who I talk to on a regular basis. That’s all the belongingness you’ll ever require. When this occurs, depression and suicide are less likely to occur. Create one if you don’t already have one. This is a biological issue. To be clear, I’m not referring to those who prefer to be by themselves and not be a part of any group. To be clear, it is bad to try to fit in with superficial groups in order to feel better about yourself. In order to be happy, you must have a family or a group of people who support you. We must treat our DNA with respect. In the event that our ancestors were members of a particular group, we can’t ignore it. However, as the world has changed, our need to belong has begun to work against us. There were times when we began to care about the opinions of people who didn’t know or care about us. As a substitute for allowing those people to influence you, look for people with whom you have a strong emotional connection. As a result of your newfound freedom, you won’t feel the need to associate with other people or organisations. People will want to join your group at this point.
