Do you ever feel as if others don’t understand you? You may have the impression that co-workers don’t understand you. As a result of a disagreement between you and your friends. Maybe you’re being misunderstood by others. That’s not because of them, but most likely because of your own behaviour, not because of theirs. Why? I’ll explain. For the first time in my professional career, I joined a large London-based IT research firm several years ago. About 200 people were working on my floor alone. For the first time in my life, I was a member of a large team. People can only judge you by their own perception of you, as one of my mentors taught me when we were working in large groups. Perception differs from reality quite frequently, don’t you think?
Here is an example of what I’m referring to. There were multiple interviews and committee members involved in my friend’s recent job search. It was necessary for a high-profile project. And he was desperate to land the position. The committee provided him with feedback during the interview’s penultimate stage: “When it comes to receiving feedback, you seem a little defensive. “To put it another way: You’re not paying attention to what we have to say.
My friend is someone I’m familiar with. Afraid? Not at all! Morals and ethics are important to him. On the contrary, he is prone to defending himself to the point of exhaustion. That may come across as defensive, too.
After hearing his story, he wanted to know what I thought. Perception is reality; keep that in mind, one of my mentors advised me to tell him.
We Cut Corners.
Honestly, no one really cares about what you’re thinking. Due to the fact they aren’t heartless or self-centred. The reason for this is that people simply do not have the time to conduct a psychological analysis on each and every new acquaintance they make. That’s why heuristics exist in the first place. Every day, we take shortcuts in making decisions. And one of the shortcuts we take is to evaluate what we see. That may not be the best idea after all. Before passing judgement on someone, it’s always better to gather more information about them.
Heuristics, on the other hand, do work. They help us get things done. That’s beyond the control of either of us.
People’s Perceptions Can Be Changed You may be asking yourself, “How do I change other people’s perceptions?” at this point. The science of influence holds the key to finding an answer to this question. The term “influence” is often misunderstood by those who hear it. The phrase “I don’t want to fake until I make it” is a common one among them. The science of influence, on the other hand, has nothing to do with snake-oil salesman tactics or the like.
Influence and persuasion are based on two fundamental questions:
Do our actions have an impact on others?
What impact does the behaviour of other people have on our own?
Here is an example of what I’m referring to. My impression of a member of our team was that she had little interest in our company. As a result, we discussed it further. I got the impression from that conversation that “perception is reality” was at play once again. In reality, I had the wrong impression. When she asked why perceptions are important, I explained that they are and gave her a simple way to influence others: mirroring. Many people have heard of it, but only a small percentage actually use it. Your body language and words convey to the other person that you like them when you mimic theirs, making them feel special. And that makes us like the other person right away. That’s the way our brains work.
So instead of just sitting there and staring at someone, use your body language and words to influence the other person’s perception of you. Make others believe that you’re actively participating in the conversation. That’s real, plain and simple. I bet you can guess why. Nobody can smell what you’re thinking in your head. We must spread the word somehow. Even if others are aware of the principles of influence, they still work. Influence has fascinated me for over a decade. I can tell when someone is trying to influence me…. And I really enjoy it the majority of the time. In my mind, this is a sign that others have made a deliberate effort to collaborate with me. You just have to be on the lookout for people who are trying to compel you to do something you don’t want to. Thank goodness this is a rare occurrence, to be honest.
In today’s connected world, more and more people are being persuaded to believe in things that are either false or useless by malicious persuaders. We’ve all heard about fake news. In the real world, people’s actions are influenced by this phenomenon. Only by studying influence can you defend yourself against these ill-intentioned persuaders. You’ll be able to think clearly just by being aware of the ways in which others are attempting to influence your behaviour. Read Robert Cialdini’s classic book on influence instead of getting a PhD in the subject. Begin using the “perception is reality” mindset immediately, no matter what you’re doing.
What if she believes she is lazy because you’ve convinced her of the same? And if your co-workers think you’re uncatchable, it might be because you’ve made them think that way. Take a look within. Improve your habits and conduct. Also, be aware of how others perceive you at all times. Especially if you’re trying to get something out of them.
